Learn how to stop being too polite and be persistent in pursuing your goals. Discover actionable strategies to develop assertiveness, break politeness barriers, and go after what you truly want with confidence.
Introduction
Politeness is a social glue—it helps us get along, avoid conflict, and maintain harmony. But what happens when politeness becomes a roadblock to our goals? If you’ve ever held back from following up on a job, pitching your idea again, or asking for help a second time because you didn’t want to “bother” someone, you’re not alone.
The truth is, many of us struggle to balance being polite with being persistent. But if you want to reach your full potential, you need to stop being too polite and start being persistently authentic. This article will guide you through practical self-improvement techniques to help you overcome this inner block.
Why Politeness Becomes a Limiting Belief
From childhood, we’re conditioned to be polite—“Don’t interrupt,” “Don’t ask again,” “Don’t be a bother.” While these lessons serve us in many areas, they can become internalized limiting beliefs that whisper, “You’re being too pushy,” even when persistence is necessary.
Real-World Example
Imagine applying for a job you truly want. You follow up once, hear nothing, and stop. But what if the hiring manager simply missed your email? Or needed a gentle reminder? Your silence could cost you the opportunity, all because you were “being polite.”
The Cost of Over-Politeness
Being overly polite can result in:
- Missed opportunities
- Unspoken needs
- Unclear communication
- Passive behavior mistaken for disinterest
- Resentment or frustration
Remember, politeness should not come at the cost of your growth, well-being, or goals.
Shift from People-Pleasing to Purpose-Focused
To stop being too polite and be persistent, you need to reframe your motivation. Ask yourself:
- Am I staying quiet to protect someone’s comfort—or my own fear of rejection?
- What matters more: temporary discomfort or long-term regret?
Journal Prompt
Write about a time when being overly polite held you back. Then write how you wish you’d acted differently. This helps rewire your mindset for future action.
Assertiveness Techniques That Still Feel Respectful
You can be persistent without being aggressive. Here’s how:
1. Use Confident Language
- Instead of: “Sorry to ask again…”
- Say: “Just checking in on my previous message…”
2. Use Time Frames
Create clarity by giving context.
“I wanted to follow up before Friday in case you needed more information.”
3. Use a Three-Touch Rule
Follow up:
- After 3 days
- After 7 days
- After 10+ days with a “last follow-up” message
You’re not being rude—you’re showing commitment.
Train Yourself to Handle Discomfort
Persistence requires emotional endurance. That means getting comfortable with:
- Not getting immediate responses
- Being ignored (temporarily)
- Feeling a little awkward or vulnerable
These are normal and not reasons to stop.
Exercise
Send one “second message” this week to someone you gave up on out of politeness. Track how they respond. You’ll likely be surprised at how neutral—or even positive—the result is.
Create Scripts for Polite Persistence
Having go-to phrases makes it easier to push through hesitation.
Examples:
- “Just following up in case this got buried.”
- “I understand if now isn’t a good time—just wanted to keep the conversation going.”
- “If you’re not the right contact, could you point me in the right direction?”
You’re showing initiative, not rudeness.
When Is Politeness Actually Holding You Back?
Ask yourself:
- Did I avoid asking again because I didn’t want to seem annoying?
- Did I drop a goal because others didn’t support it?
- Do I feel guilty when I advocate for myself?
If the answer is yes, then it’s time to reframe those polite tendencies into empowered persistence.
Develop a Personal “Persistence Plan”
Step 1 – Identify One Area Where You’re Too Polite
Is it in your career, networking, relationships, or creative work?
Step 2 – Write 3 Actions You’ve Avoided Doing
Examples:
- Following up with a client
- Asking for a meeting again
- Reapplying to a position
Step 3 – Commit to a Polite but Firm Action
Decide when and how you’ll take one action—today.
Extended FAQ Section
Q1: Isn’t being polite always good?
Yes—in social and formal contexts. But when it stops you from asking again, following up, or advocating for yourself, it becomes counterproductive.
Q2: How many times should I follow up without being annoying?
A common guideline is to follow up 2–3 times spaced a few days apart. If there’s still no response, consider wrapping up politely or trying a different approach.
Q3: How can I tell if I’m being polite or just avoiding confrontation?
Pay attention to your internal dialogue. If you’re more concerned with what others think than what you need, politeness is hindering you.
Q4: Will being more persistent make me seem rude?
Not if you pair persistence with respect. Clear communication and authenticity help others understand your intent.
Q5: What if people get annoyed when I follow up?
That’s okay. You’re not here to please everyone. You’re here to act in alignment with your goals. Respectful persistence is rarely offensive.
Q6: How do I stop apologizing so much?
Practice replacing “sorry” with “thank you.”
- Instead of: “Sorry I’m late.”
- Say: “Thanks for waiting.”
Inspiring Stories of Persistence Beyond Politeness
J.K. Rowling
Rejected by 12 publishers before one finally accepted Harry Potter. Imagine if she’d stopped after 2 to be “polite”?
Oprah Winfrey
Fired from her first TV job. Told she was “unfit for TV.” Kept going.
The lesson? Persistence beats politeness when it comes to purpose.
Conclusion: Your Dreams Deserve Persistence
You have goals for a reason. And while kindness and respect are powerful values, they should never silence your voice or stop your progress. Every time you choose polite silence over speaking up or trying again, you take a step away from what you truly want.
So ask again. Follow up. Knock twice. Stop being too polite and be persistent. That’s how dreams are built—one brave, respectful step at a time.
What’s one area where you’ve let politeness hold you back? Share in the comments. Let’s break through it together.
